I knew I loved you before I met you.  I loved you when I found out we were going to have you.  I loved you when your daddy and I created you.  What I didn’t know was that you were going to be taken away from us so quickly.

Too quick to even hear you cry, too quick to even have a proper goodbye.  But truly didn’t want to ever, never say goodbye.  Too many asking why…

Why did this have to happen?  Why couldn’t you stay?  Why didn’t the doctor do anything to try and save you?  Why is it so hard for these pain and suffering to go away? Why won’t these tears stop?  I understand that it’ll get better knowing and believing that our souls will unite and tether together.  But you’re the only one that I miss so much and love so much close to my heart, Savana Ancheta Monden 🦋💜

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Hubby met up with his trauma doctor regarding his bruised butt at POB III #509 at 11:30am. His name was Dr. Frank Zhou. And Barbara was there too just as she had said over the phone. She’s the workmans comp nurse aide that’ll help us with paperwork and follow up procedures if necessary.

Well, I didn’t get to go in the room because the nurse there had said that the room was a bit tight for four people including a child, my rascal son Isaac. So he and I stayed and played; and twirled and singing “the wheels on the bus go round and round” until he got tired and fell asleep in my arms.

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*Teary eyed*

The first thing on my mind, again as usual, was to rid of stuff and make space. Waking up at 5am gave me plenty of time to tidy up, water the plants outside, and cook breakfast.

Hubby woke up a bit grouchy, and told me to rid of Isaac’s empty formula cans (which plenty are piling up), it’s true. But I blew up and yelled back at him. I have plans for those cans. It’s my only project that I want to do to remember Savana. I yelled at hubby about all his stuff. His fishing poles, his tools. I told him everything in this house that’s taking up all the space are his stuff! More than 80% of what’s in this house are his stuff!

I cried and cleaned for so long that I got tired and took a lunch break. Isaac drank his milk and fell asleep. Hubby then came out of the room, all clothed and looked at me. He said that he wanted to go visit Savana. Looking sad and down, I realized he must be having as much on his mind as that I have on my own mind.

I finished my lunch sandwich and chips, got dressed and also got Isaac ready to go.

At Savana’s grave, I said a prayer as Isaac poured water and Darren got teary eyed. We bought a bouquet of flowers that smelled really nice. Put them inside the empty formula cans, filled them with water and placed them down for my baby girl. We also brought a few stuffed animals for her. Hello kitty space girl, a tiny blue hello kitty keychain, a minion, and another plain hello kitty doll. I wanted to write Savana’s name on all of them so that no one would dare take them. And as I did that, Darren and Isaac took a stroll at the bottom of the hill to see what was there. Perhaps, to clear his mind, the walk would help him if even just for a little bit.

When they returned, I was pouring water on Landyn’s grave and said a little prayer for him as well.

The more days that pass by, it may seem that I’m getting better and even decided to return to work at one point. But honestly, it still hurts. Emotionally, more than physically. It will always hurt. Even as I cry and pray for everything to be ok, it will, but slowly, as so everyone says. As I also want to believe it will be.

I love you times infinity Savana! 💜🦋💞

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Isaac was running freely outside while we waited for daddy.

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Stroll while we wait…

Waited for daddy in the hospital, so we took a stroll to the downtown post office.

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Just because – Isaac selfies

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*Everyday I Love You*

“Collect moments, not things. Earn respect, not money. Enjoy love, not luxuries.”

Still in my “tagalog movie mode”, I have watched “Everyday I Love You” with Liza Soberano and Enrique Gil again. This movie also has featured Gerald Anderson as the boyfriend in a coma. As I watched the movie, the quote above was on the wall of the hospital room of Tristan in the beginning of the movie.  It immediately hit an emotion in me in which I can relate to the plot of the movie.

Having a first love is something and comparing that first love to a different current love is wrong. I relate to it because I was that different current love. The guy I was with felt like he compared me often to his ex-girlfriend. In fact, I was crazy to stay with him for so long. At that time, I felt as if I was obligated to stay in the relationship because we knew each other for awhile. And with that, as I watched Audrey (Liza Soberano) do everything to stay with Tristan(Herald Anderson), she drifted away from her real self. And while meeting Ethan (Enrique Gil) was a coincidental accident, Audrey didn’t realize her true feelings until each moment spent with Ethan to help Tristan was getting closer to having her true self back and also having her dreams come true.

Again, Liza and Enrique play adorable characters. I say adorable because the connection/friendship that they have still shows in this movie. I was a bit disappointed when Ethan and Audrey say ‘I love you’ to each other after only knowing each other for a short period of time. However, as a hopeless romantic, it was sweet yet very expected that they were going to end up together. I can’t say anything negative as I very well enjoy happy endings. Well, watching this movie has made me curious about what other movies in which Enrique and Liza have been in together.

Alas, while researching the love duo, I found out they have a tv series titled, “Forevermore”. I got giddy about seeing this love duo again. It’s not just an hour or two, but a whole series of them. So, I was happy to find the whole series on eBay for a reasonable price. Not only did I do research on “LizQuen”, but Gerald Anderson and other Filipino actors/actresses. Gerald has a love duo with Kim Chui, therefore making them “KimErald” and Daniel Padilla with Kathryn Bernardo known as love duo “KathNiel”. Also, Richard Gutierrez and Marian Rivera have done some movies together, but they aren’t a couple offscreen. Richard is actually with his co-star Sarah Lahbati in their movie, “Seduction”, which I look forward to seeing. Oh, I can’t forget James Reid and Nadine Lustre, which I just bought their movie, “Diary ng Panget”. They are known as love duo “JaDine”, which is a really cute name. They have songs that they’ve sung together and have worked with movies together. Wow. I feel like I have some catching up to do with my culture. 😊

Although I’m fluent in Ilocano, understanding Tagalog is ok but it’s still different from actually speaking Tagalog. It’s got me thinking.. why is it that after how many years I didn’t learn how to speak Tagalog fluently? Shucks. I now find myself day dreaming that I could’ve gone to Philippines to study tagalog, and not only learn the language but to live it and truly support my culture. It’s difficult when you can’t speak and practice it on a daily basis. Oops, that sounds like an excuse, so I’m putting a stop right now. Because “Everyday I Love You” has taught me that every day can actually be a “something” day, it’s like every day is an “I miss you” day when I’m distant from all my loved ones. Every day should be an “inspiration day” to be inspired and to inspire as well. Thank you, maraming maraming maraming salamat, Everyday I Love You! Because every day I do love you 💜


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